Posted by: Sylvia, aka Shucky | July 21, 2010

The Weird Old Tip For A Flat Belly!

You keep seeing the ad, and it takes you to a boring monologue that goes on ad nauseum…and all you want to know is the weird old tip.

Well, here it is…colon cleansing.

In the olden days, whenever someone had a pissy mood, out would come the castor oil…and if your mama loved you, it got mixed with molasses, and the pissy mood would get unstuck with the other unsavoury internal delights.

Then came the enema bag. I knew people who swore by them; fortunately, not at my house.

These days, you just buy a hot-water bottle and the enema tip comes with it (as does the tip for a vaginal douche).

If you want to do an internal cleanse though, you don’t need to pay $50 for powdered muck, just go to the local health food store and get by volume:

  • 1 c. corn silk
  • 1 c. plantain leaf
  • 1 c. psylium husk or seed
  • 1 c. flax seed

Grind this all in a blender and keep it in an air-tight jar in your fridge. (This mix became fondly known as Sylvia’s Swamp Muck.)

To start the detoxification regimen, eliminate from your diet, one day at a time and in this order:

  • sugars (Joe Louis cakes, alcohol)
  • refined and processed food (Kraft Dinner, potato chips)
  • red meat (yup!)
  • poultry and fish (don’t forget to take your vitamins)
  • dairy products (even yogurt)
  • whole grains (the tabouli’s gotta go)
  • cooked vegetables (no more potatoes for you…)
  • cooked fruits (what! no prunes?)
  • caffeinated beverages (try jogging for your morning high)

Give yourself a couple of days on raw foods, juices, and herbal teas so that your system can adjust to the shock. Don’t despair, there are some really great raw-food recipes out there (and there is nothing like raw-food lasagna made with zucchini, tomato salsa, and savoury cashew cream). And you really can fill up on salads. At the same time, proceed with the following:

Day 1 – 1 glass of water with 1 tsp. of  Swamp Muck (yes, you can choke it down –  it’s a rather tasteless acquired taste)

Day 2 – 2 glasses of water with 1 tsp. of  Swamp Muck

Day 3 – 3 glasses of water with 1 tsp. of  Swamp Muck

If you have taken these increases well,

Day 4 – 3 glasses of water with 2 tsp. of  Swamp Muck

If you have taken these increases well,

Day 7 – 3 glasses of water with 3 tsp. of  Swamp Muck

Remember, we are supposed to be cleaning out up to 35 lbs. of petrified fecal matter, doncha know!

When you start running clean, you will notice you have a lot of energy, there is no longer any elimination odour to speak of , and nothing interesting in your stools.  Interesting things may have shown up, and you won’t necessarily know what they were. But now your digestive tract will be well-rested and balanced. Now you may start taking the dosage back down in reverse order, and adding foods back to your diet in reverse order.

It is at this time you may start noticing what foods affect you negatively. Red meat may not sit so well with you as before…processed foods with sugars and flour and fat (oh, my!) may give you indigestion. Watch for the changes you may need to make.

You should feel very good after all this, with lots of energy. Then repeat the regimen whenever you feel like you could use a good detoxification program, usually twice a year in the spring and late fall.

Here follows a true, but cautionary tale…

Big John got quite excited about my regimen as I had been doing quite well on it, and it was noticeable. So I generously gave him a jar with instructions I wrote out on a slip of paper and went over with him. However, not all Leo men are good at listening.

He went to visit relatives in Campbellford, and took his jar with him to start the regimen. It interested everyone at what turned out to be a mini-family reunion, so they all wanted to try it.

Now, Big John had been a chef of repute in a previous career, and did not care a fig about instructions or amounts, so he literally passed out glasses of swamp muck so thick that one could stick a post in, and everyone ate it like pudding.

There were no fatalities or hospitalizations, but there was, alas, only one bathroom and many relatives,  two quite elderly, who relied on it heavily, lingeringly, and often regardless of the banging and yelling outside the door.

Big John returned to the city very angry with moi following this, unbeknownst to me, horrible weekend. After patiently hearing him out while surpressing my shock and horror, I gently reminded him of the very explicit instructions that I had given him.

He blinked at me.

“What instructions?”

Thus the disclaimer, follow the advice of your physician before taking any new regimen upon yourself.

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Responses

  1. Sylvia,

    So seven days of raw veggies and the swamp muck after the food group elimination days? Or only swamp muck for 7 days

    Like

    • You can start the Swamp Muck regimen when you start the elimination diet. I would not try living on the Swamp Muck unless you are very good with water fasting…I’m not!

      Like


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